Recovery
by Second
Summary: It's moments like these that I know I am not okay. Despite what I told Ino yesterday, what I told mom this morning, what I tell Naruto every day, I'm not okay.


It's been six months. I think I'm okay, but I don't know for sure.

Don't you dare worry about me. I stopped crying.

Besides, it only hurts when I'm breathing, right?

Huh. Aren't I still annoying? And weak. Serves you right, you know? That's right. I still remember all the times you called me annoying when I was twelve. And that time before you left.

You know, I hate it. I hate that you always say weird things before you leave. Then when you do, I can't get them out of my head. Like that time you said I was more useless than Naruto. I trained for three years and became strong so I wouldn't be a burden to you anymore. And this time...

Ugh! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

... No I don't. I'm sorry for saying that.

But I hate the mess you left me in.

I don't think I'll ever go on another mission again. Not in this state. And I doubt I'll ever be strong enough to take another life. Or maybe I'll go berserk and destroy every last ninja in my sight. And then become an S rank criminal. It sounds like a pretty appealing idea right now. I'll even have my face in the bingo book and everything. After that, I'll travel all the lands and who knows? In the end, I might even have a showdown with Naruto, like you did.

He'll kill me in the end, of course.

Not before I land a few hundred hard punches on him though.

But that's okay. I've been meaning to do that for years.

So help me Sasuke. I keep thinking _would he laugh if I told him this? Would he smile for me? _Well if you didn't, shame on you! Do you know how lucky you are? You've done absolutely everything you've ever wanted to do in your life. Completely ignoring our feelings along the way... Actually, you know what? I don't think you did laugh. Just to spite me you insensitive prick. The nerve!

Hah! I bet you laughed just now!

Now I'm just being childish. It's helping me cope, so I don't need to hear it from you, or Naruto, or Ino, or anybody else! But especially you, because you're the one who did this to me in the first place.

And I wanted to tell you something earlier... Oh yes. Whaddaya know? Naruto became Hokage. He got the whole package. Even has his head carved on the mountain beside Tsunade-sama - which, come to think of it, is his favourite part (I think). _Our _Naruto. He actually went from a Genin to a Hokage. No such thing has ever happened in the history of the five great lands. Trust me, I _know. _Oh, I asked him the other day why he didn't do it the normal way. You are not going to believe this. He put on his stupid ear-to-ear grin and told me, "Oh, heheh. It's cause I didn't have the time..." God, that is just so infuriating!

I hope he's happy now. He'll be an even bigger legacy because of this.

You two are big shots. Well you always have been, just bigger. Everyone knows you as the Jinchuriki Hokage, and the heir and protégé of the Uchiha clan. You are considered Heroes of Konoha. And to think that once, Kakashi-sensei buried you and tied Naruto to a pole.

Aren't you glad you decided to feed him? I would have never done such a thing if you hadn't. I'm far too selfish for that.

And me? Well I'm just plain ol' me.

Did I tell you that a woman just came to express her gratitude for saving her family earlier? She said she was truly grateful for the service of a legend. She said I made miracles.

I didn't know what to say. I guess sometimes that makes all the difference doesn't it? Which life is saved and which isn't. That's why I'm going to use my power to the fullest. Don't you think you can bring me down, Sasuke! Even though I'm unsure of my psychological state, I still have an iron will. I'm going to take over the hospital and make sure everyone gets top treatment. Not only that, but I'm also going to start a med school and train lots of healer nin. And I'm also going to fight for Tsunade-sama's will to have at least one med nin in each ninja squad.

Hah. I certainly lied to myself earlier, didn't I? In a way, I guess I am great after all.

Just you wait, Sasuke. We'll be the Sannin of the new generation.

No, we already are.

Not that it has any particular meaning to me, of course. I just thought I'd let you know. I hope you're proud of yourself because we sure are proud of you.

Before you ask, I'm not going to get over you. I never will. It's been decided since I was twelve. So you know what, don't you mind me. I'll grow up and I'll live a happy life. I'll raise lots of little ninjas and I'll treat them like my own children. When I'm on my deathbed, I'll choose a kunoichi to take over my affairs. I don't intend to live long but I intend to live happy.

Seems peaceful enough, compared to the S-rank convict alternative. Oh well. I would have raised children anyway. I like the idea of raising kids. You know why? Because I know they'll be just as annoying as Naruto and you and I when we were younger. Oh yes, I'd love to discipline some of them.

Even though I'll never be as good as Naruto. But everyone already knows he's the number one disciplinarian anyways. No point in trying to measure up.

What do you know? I have some motherly instinct in me after all. I was beginning to think that I didn't. It doesn't really make a difference though. Most kunoichis don't have children. Or they do and end up staying home to take care of their kids. Do they still retain their ninja way? Their pride? What happens if they get called out for a mission? Will they leave their kids at a chance of getting killed?

What happens to the kids who have no mothers? I feel so terrible for them. Oh, that's right. You didn't have a mother for most of your childhood.

I'm sorry.

Why is it that every time I pass by the now deserted Uchiha residence, I feel an unfathomable sorrow? Part of it is because of that massacre over a decade ago. And then there's more. Something I can't put my finger on – a ghastly feeling, like they're all still here; we just can't see them.

I wonder.

See, my whole life I've tried to make things better for you. Have you wondered why I became a healer nin? I can't deal with people being sad. I can't take it when someone important to me sheds tears. I'm so captious and yet I am such a hypocrite Sasuke! You know why?

Because I am where no one can see me.

Because I am so sad right now you can only imagine.

Because I told you I wasn't, but I'm still crying. It helps, you know. It really helps with the pain. Throughout this whole conversation, I've really been longing for this one moment where I can let everything out.

It's moments like these that I know I am not okay. Despite what I told Ino yesterday, what I told mom this morning, what I tell Naruto every day, I'm not okay.

It's moments like these that I try hating you but end up hating myself instead. And I deserve it. And I will never forget myself.

You know why? It's not fair. It's like the world puts everything in my path. When I was twelve, I felt unsatisfied when I couldn't measure up to you and Naruto. When I was sixteen, I felt desperate because we failed to bring you back. Six months ago, I felt the most helpless I have ever felt in my life.

Remember that incident? We were up against eight S-rank convicts and two former ANBU members. I was out of Chalkra and your eyes were greatly strained from using Mangekyo.

Yet you had your back to me and you told me in the clearest voice, "Sakura, if we make it out of this alive I swear I will marry you!"

And you killed every last one of them.

Then you died.

* * *

_It only hurts when I'm breathing_ is a beautiful song by Shania Twain.

It's a lame title but it'll stick until I can think of an alternative.

I hope I got the facts right. I don't usually write Sasusaku. I don't even write for the Naruto Fandom. This was a (late) birthday/Christmas/New Year's present for a friend.

And also cause I wanted to kill someone off.

_Thanks  
-_SCND


End file.
